Life of Liz

Father Knows Best …

In In the Beginning on October 13, 2012 at 9:01 am

About six months ago, I came across a old fashion marriage website … and I was intrigued.  I secretly scanned through the pages and read for the better part of a week.  I say secretly b/c inside I was feeling somehow that just by viewing the topic on our home computer I would be ousted as a weirdo…! The following week I bravely put a pass code on my cell phone so I could read while waiting in the car pool line for my unsuspecting kiddos!  Around this time Henry had to travel for 3 days and I sent him a link (once he was safely 500 miles away!).  He read.  He liked the HoH aspect (of course, who wouldn’t!).   He called. We talked.  Well HE talked, I was so uptight and embarrassed that I could barely string 3 words together.  Had I really initiated this conversation?!  Here I was blushing and stammering on the phone with a man I’ve known for 25 years and with whom I’ve birthed 7 kids in front of!  Uncomfortable doesn’t begin to express the phone call.  And then … he came home.  We both liked the idea of him leading; we both wanted a more harmonious life.  The first few weeks were great.  He lead.  I followed.  I deferred to him and he stepped up.  But I wanted more.

I googled the term domestic submission.  OMG.  What was I doing?  A nice girl from a good Southern family and here I am surfing over 18 websites?  And since I couldn’t bring it up to Henry, I did the next logical thing … started ‘acting out’ … well that’s what I’d call it if my kids acted like I was acting!  He could have thought I was losing it, but he didn’t.  He asked me to forward to him anything that I had read that could explain to him what I wanted (needed) that I was too inhibited to say aloud.  And so it began.  We entered into the next chapter of ‘us’.

Call it whatever.  We’ve crossed the bridge and there is no going back.  Some days I love being lead by Henry.  Some days I loathe it.  I am learning that being submissive is a conscience decision of my will.  Henry and I hold the belief that ‘love is a commitment, not a feeling’ and I am beginning to see submission as the same.  When I am feeling the gushy feelings of submission things are usually going great.  But I am starting to see that it’s the times when those gushy feelings are not present that cause me to stretch and grow.  And those are the times that I see Henry at his best.  He is patient and kind when he could be the opposite.

It is making me examine how I parent – am I patient and kind?  Do I give my kids multiple second chances?  IDK, it’s a learning curve.  Some days I do well.  Some days I blow it.  I think the days in-between are where the real Liz is beginning to develop.  Does any of this make sense?  Has changing your marriage changed how you parent?  Is it making you more or less patient with your kids?

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