Life of Liz

Not ready for round 6

In Shrew-ness on October 21, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Round 1 – “why do you have a zero in math?” … 25 minutes

Round 2 – “can I have a play-date today?” … 15 minutes

Round 3 – “I am soooo hungry and we never have ANYTHING to eat in this house!” …10 minutes

Round 4 – “He took my toy so I punched him and now he is crying and I said I was sorry and he is still telling on me” … 10 minutes

Round 5 – “MOM, did you see what the dog did?” … TBD!

My various stresses are spilling over into other areas of my life.  I am trying so hard to stay outside of the isolation bubble and Henry is showing a lot of patience because he knows I am trying.  It just seems like two things are happening lately and I would love to know if others had similar experiences.  First, where as before I ‘didn’t know any better’, now I DO.  I know I want to be respectful and accountable to Henry.  I desire to be lead. BUT I keep doing things that are contrary to that goal.  That makes me feel like a failure a lot.  Thankfully H is patient or else we would be locked up in our bedroom the majority of each day!    But WHY do I fight to stay disconnected from Henry, which is often expressed as being disrespectful? Was my life better before I knew what a shrew I can be?  And then sometimes I even get irritated because Henry isn’t hauling me off 24/7 – which I am thinking could very well involve a lot of kicking and screaming (biting, hair pulling … you get the point.. lol).   The second thing that keeps happening is that I read all of your blogs and I get so inspired and then 2 minutes later when I am stressed out with a kid or grandma or fill in the blank thing I do it again … He is locked out on the outside looking in at me as I implode!   Every time my stress rises it seems to mean my shrew-ness feels empowered to rear her ugly head.

Henry was very tender (emotionally, not so much physically) and I felt 100% submitted to his authority … And then in the blink of an eye the shrew-ness reappears.  What is going on?  I guess it’s good that I am at least aware of what I am doing; but it’s often not until after the eye roll or borderline comment has left my mouth.  I have to know … will this get better or do I just SUCK at being a submissive, respectful, deferring wife? ~Liz

  1. I think that awareness if a HUGE step in the right direction. It took me a long time to get to the point that I was aware that I was behaving in a way that was meant to get his attention. It seemed to take a LOOOOONGER time to stop that behavior. Remember we have YEARS of undoing here. Frustrations are difficult – especially when they are thrown at us like a barrage of gunfire. You’ll get there! His patience is telling. Have you thought of asking for a little more help or even a signal (physical or verbal) that will help you catch yourself before it is all said and done? Good luck…you’re totally normal!!

    • Hi SrQsMLB,
      Thanks for your encourgement. I had not thought of establishing a signal – but I really like that idea. And you are correct and I appreciate the reminder that I am trying to change behaviors that have been in place a long, long time. I am somewhat surprised that I am recognizing how bossy and controlling I can be – it’s just always after I am ‘bossy and controlling’ lol! Have a nice day.

  2. I think you hit it on the head when you said “I guess it’s good that I’m at least aware…” The first step in changing any behavior is mindfulness. Soon you’ll catch yourself before you roll your eyes. Be gentle and patient with yourself, it won’t happen overnight. And it’s okay to ask for help when you’re feeling overwhelmed, and it gives him a chance to help, protect and lead. (((Hugs)))

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