Life of Liz

SOM#SeasonOfMess#needtogetmysh*ttogether

In In the Beginning on October 27, 2012 at 6:43 am

It’s been a long week.  Henry is working 10-12 hour days and that means he becomes pretty lax in his expectations of me.  This week was no different.  I pushed the limits, trying to see where he would draw the line.  Why do I do that?  It puts a pause in between him and me and causes me to lose the submitted feelings that I crave.  I managed this week to call him a disparaging name in front of daughter 3 and to hang up on him when he was short with me.  But b/c he is aware of his hand in me being as he calls it “out there” he ends up apologizing to me … crazy.  I don’t want him to apologize to me; I want to be held accountable for my words/actions/deeds.  He is a kind and patient man but sometimes I wish he would just call me on my BS and see me for the controlling shrew that I can turn into.

I was impressed today though … he made time (that I know he really didn’t have) to keep our regular appointment.  That kinda made me feel cared for – but not completely submitted.  It’s a long standing issue for us in that he has so much going on with work that he tries to fit 101 things into every day.  I’ve often felt like #101.

When he announced we would have a mini session this morning and we should  have had adequate time for me NOT to feel like #101 – however daughter #3 locked herself out of her car and H spent an hour (our hour) trying to get the keys out.  No luck and she finally left in my car and AAA is on the way.  I would have been fine rescheduling the reminder, but he said “let’s get this done” … translation to me “I only have 30 minutes but I can knock this out” … so while it was someone effective – it wasn’t totally because I felt the stress of the timer running in my head.  Did he?  I don’t know, but I did.

The house is a mess and I can’t seem to get on top of it.  That really bugs me.  The freshman in college daughter is struggling a little and that weight is heavy on my heart.  Lately I always feel behind the eight ball and so in turn it is harder to find energy to put into Henry and I.  I keep thinking that if I could just get even in my life then I could start moving forward.

This post is rambling and I am sorry!  I commented on another blog that “seasons change” and I guess I need to embrace the season I am in right now.  If I had to put a name to this ‘season’ I’d call it the ‘season of disorganization’ or even SOM=season of mess!  My life is messy right now; grandma’s move is messy; college kids are messy; ttwd is messy and lol this freakin house is messy!

Tomorrow is the 5 yo’s birthday party; tomorrow is painting day to get grandma’s room ready; tomorrow is a new day.  I am holding on to that promise and to the belief that ‘seasons change’ …

~Liz

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  1. It sounds like you and your family are in a very busy season right now, Liz. At times like this, communication becomes even more important than usual for the growth of the marriage. You wondered whether your husband also felt the pressure of the “timer” running during a recent reminder appointment? That would be a great thing to ask him – let him tell you what it feels like for him to fit in reminders when there is a time limit. These kinds of questions can open the door to share about other pressures each of you are experiencing right now. Sharing about our stresses can sometimes make them feel less overwhelming.

    • Thanks for commenting. I had not thought about asking Henry about the pressure of the “timer” so I did last night. It really gave me insight into the stresses my dear husband is feeling on so many fronts. It was a really helpful conversation and I think it will go along way to helping him and I understand what the other needs ~ and also what ‘space’ the other needs. Thanks again. BTW, I love reading your blog and have learned a lot from your insight. ~Liz

  2. Liz, Everything you said resonated with me. But I want to help by sharing that I spent too much time believing “if only D did this or that” I would feel the way I want to feel. It’s like that game little kids play “you say this and I’ll say ….” I was taught by wise women in this community to speak directly about my needs. Then leave it up to him to respond. You’ve got a lot happening, by kind to yourself. Ask for specific help to feel connected: I want to finish blank before X time/date. Please make me accountable to you. (btw D’s ‘daze’ are all long, that #101 feeling shouldn’t stay inside. Also our Danielle struggled with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in college. Get get a Happy Light – it worked well.) Hang in there Liz. Enjoy the party.

    • Hi – thanks for the reminding me about SAD – I have experienced it myself a couple of years, usually in Jan/Feb so I’ll be on the look out. Our Gracie plays college sports and received a full scholarship which is coming with a lot of expectations and strings. She is also adjusting to being the low man in the ranks. I know she’s going to be ok and I really believe this is all a good lesson for her … BUT … she’s our baby and I’ll do anything to help her avoid discomfort. Also I just posted about bringing up to H the #101 feeling. Thanks for your suggestion. It was a productive conversation and something that I think we’ll probably one that we’ll need to revisit often. Have a nice day. ~Liz

  3. Some days/weeks/months are just like that, aren’t they? Hope you and Henry get some YOU time soon:)

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