Life of Liz

The LIBERATION of LIZ (or Why I am sexier at 40 than 20!)

In Authentic Life, Out of the Comfort Zone, Red Pill on December 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

It’s hard to pin point when I became 100% comfortable with my own femininity.  As a teenager, I was very, let’s say top heavy.  I was (and am) thin; I had (and have) narrow hips and thin arms.  BUT – back in the day I also had very full D cups.  My ‘friends’ caused me considerable discomfort because of the amount of male attention I attracted in high school. So I did the obvious thing, I dressed to conceal my blessing.

College was pretty much the same; I had a long term relationship with a very non-manly man who was also uncomfortable with my ‘friends’; he once commented (after I had spent considerable time finding the most modest swimsuit top available for a D cup’d woman) “maybe you could just wear a T-shirt or something” … thankfully that relationship fizzled!!

And then marriage…finally, score!!  You see, Henry is attracted to thin women.  He likes long thin arms and big breasts.  Imagine that?  As for my attraction to Henry – he is tall and I like tall.  Henry is thin, I like thin.  And although HE liked my feminine form, I had not yet embraced it.

The physical part of our marriage has never waned; I have never considered withholding sex from Henry.   Baseline we are attracted physically to each other… you can likely now understand our 7 kids!

And then we changed the dynamic of our marriage and established Henry as the leader and me as the follower.  That has had a profound effect on my ability to be a WOMAN in the truest form.

Previously, I was indifferent to Henry’s opinion of how I dressed.  I dressed to please myself or more aptly, other women.  It mattered what the b*tch at Starbucks might think if I wore a tight sweater and skinny jeans with boots (a look Henry likes) so instead I wore ballerina flats and a chunky sweater with boot cut jeans.  Many times I chose loose instead of fitted, or long instead of short or flats instead of heels.  Over the years I had various lengths of short to medium hair even though H commented many times that he preferred medium to long hair.  “Who cares” … My way of thinking was along the lines of “I mean my girlfriends like my clothes and my hair, so who cares if my lover doesn’t”!

Today I place more emphasis on what Henry finds attractive and less on what I perceive others might think.  A feminist response might be “I dress for myself, not a man” – but that is a lie.  No woman dresses for herself.  She either dresses to attract men or she dresses to impress other women.  I rarely did the first, but often did the later.  Dressing to please Henry means I do not care what other women think, nor do I notice when men turn their heads.  I am able to see myself through his eyes and that brings a freedom that I had never before experienced.  Aware of Henry’s preferences, I frequently choose to wear clothes that flatter my body.   I let my hair grow and flow down my back.  Presto!  The inner and the outer reach equilibrium and results in a 100% confident, feminine woman.

It’s hard not to see the irony!  When I was battling, challenging, belittling, __________ (fill in your own adjective) Henry for the headship in our marriage I was uncomfortable with my femininity.  It wasn’t until I willingly accepted the supporting role that I am free to be the sexy WOMAN I was always afraid to let out!  Who would have thunk it??

  1. Liz, I am physically unable to leave such short comments. It goes against my personality! However, when I finish here I’m off to tussle with a blog of my own, so I will then be able to hold forth as much as I want. Ha ha!

    I like being able to picture my new blog friends. So fair’s fair – I am 5′ 7″ and a bit too thick around the middle for my liking these days, although when I was young I was whip thin. Like you, my bosoms are a good size and I have boyishly narrow hips and long slim legs. My hair is blonde and was long until three years ago and is now short and ‘edgy’ – but there was a real reason why it had to be cut and that will be explained in my blog.

    I’ve always tried to make the most of my figure. I’m quite extrovert and couldn’t give a toss what other people think – the only one I’m concerned with is my husband. He always tells me if he doesn’t like something. Always. When I was younger it was very hard. But now I know what he likes and dislikes, so there’s rarely a problem. But I can tell you that if he tells me he doesn’t like something, I go off it immediately! So I guess that has always been a bit submissive on my part – who knows? My Beloved is not tall. He’s only an inch taller than me. But love doesn’t choose height – it chooses the heart instead. Dark haired and dark eyed, my husband made my mouth water all those years ago. And although he is now grey and looks a little like Richard Gere, my mouth still waters. I think I would be very envious of your thin-ness! Oh well, I’ll keep trying.

    You are so lucky to have all those children. I really mean that. I should have liked four, but it was not to be. I have two wonderful kids – one of each. They are grown up now and my daughter is married and we have a small grandson. I had great problems with both pregnancies and was very relieved to have to healthy babies. In my mid thirties I had a horrible scare and had to have an emergency hysterectomy. Everything had to be removed and it took a lot of getting over mentally. So there were to be no more babies unfortunately. Yours must be a lovely, busy, noisy household! What a joy!

    I wonder how your new dynamic is going? Two weeks in and one day I’m tearful and the next I’m smiling to myself all day. Following new rules and trying not to take over or argue my corner is very difficult. Submission is difficult. I look forward to reading more of your posts. If I succeed in setting up a blog (which will probably take me days and days) I hope you will allow me to link to you.

    Very best wishes, Ami

  2. What a gift for you AND for Henry. You get to be the you that you want to be. Henry get’s the confident, comfortable, sexy woman he married. You both find great satisfaction and contentment! Yea You!!!!

  3. Good for you.

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