Life of Liz

Submission is not a feeling, it is a Choice

In Authentic Life, In the Beginning, Out of the Comfort Zone, Wisdom on January 16, 2013 at 8:03 am

I found this article very interesting.  I became a Stepford wife and saved my marriage. I’ve pulled out some key parts, but I encourage you to read it in its entirety.  It drew a lot of parallels to my own life/marriage and how we’ve been able to incorporate the philosophies of ‘surrender’.

Ellen says: ‘More and more women are working, becoming CEOs of companies and gaining status in the work world. It is very hard for them to come home and be a feminine person and a wife, and be loving and soft and caring – they just come home with this boss attitude instead.’  

No, I have not worked since we have had kids, but the transition from being the CEO running a large family into Henry’s wife is similar.

When I first began surrendering to Henry, in seemingly small and insignificant ways, our 17 yo daughter was visibly uncomfortable.  The contrast between Liz pS (preSurrender) and Liz PS (PostSurrender) is night and day and her reaction both amazed and saddened me.

But I didn’t actually realize just how much my behavior had affected the whole family until I gave in to Ali for the first time, and both he and Yasmin started to cry because they were so happy and relieved.’

Our house, our kids have benefited numerous ways from my shift into a Surrender Wife. A great thing about kids is when you start missing the mark, or more simply, when I slip back into Liz pS, they are not afraid to say something, even if it is painful to hear!  Last week our 5 year old son said “Mommy, if wives always yell at the dads then why do the dad’s want to come home?  Why don’t the dad’s go play instead of getting in trouble?”  Hard to hear, yes.  But it showed how far we had come because a year ago, me yelling at H would not have anyone batting an eye.

So it is not for lack of compelling positive reactions that make the Surrendered Wife road the right choice for me, but   Karen says it well;

‘I have been raised as an independent woman and the Surrendered Wife movement goes against everything I’ve stood for.

Yep!  And everything society tells us we should want.

‘But, incredibly, it has saved my marriage.

Mine too!

I don’t do more housework – I do less, because Ali is so amazed to be thanked so nicely for every small thing he does that he has started loading the dishwasher for the first time in years.

‘Before, I would just have criticized him for putting the dishes in the wrong way. He is so thrilled with the “New” Karen that he even told me to sit and watch a film the other night so he could do the ironing.

As I willingly defer to Henry’s leadership I too find that he is self motivated to do the small things that I probably nagged him about NOT doing for years.  pS Liz was very concerned in making sure H did ‘his fair share’ and it caused many hurt feelings and unfulfilled expectations.  Post surrender, we’ve even had an occasional tiff when he’s tried to clean up the kitchen after dinner and it only serves to make ME want to see HIM relaxing after HIS day at the office.  What am I to do?  Well, I am not sure of the correct answer, but once I insisted I would clean up; and once I submitted myself to his desire to bless me and he cleaned up.  Either way, it turned out as a win-win.

What has become apparent to me in the chaos of the last 6 weeks is Henry’s willingness to engage and lead US back onto solid ground.

‘He appreciates there is a closeness between us that we had lost.’

Liz pS used to be the one trying to fix our marriage with whatever ideas Redbook or Self suggested.  Now looking back I realize I was trying to change Henry into my version of who I thought he should be.  The problem with that is I really didn’t know who I wanted him to be and in hind sight – the man I married 20 years ago, the man who could run his own life and handle anything – the man I tried to beat out of Henry is the man I NEEDED him to be and Redbook offered no advice to get HIM back.

Ali himself – a husband so henpecked he still bears mental scars – agrees his wife’s change of character altered the dynamics of their marriage dramatically

I guess this post is more about reminding myself to make the internal choice to stay focused on what is really important for me, our marriage and our family to live in harmony.

Just as I believe ‘Love is not a feeling, it is a Commitment’ going forward I want to remind myself that likewise “Submission is not a feeling, it is a Choice”. Because in the end, it is all about the choices we make.

 

 

Advertisements
  1. So true! And we have had similar changes here in our household. No one likes a nag, and it usually gets you the opposite of what we really want anyway. Yup! They go and play and don’t come home!
    Nice post! 🙂

  2. Hi Liz. We nominated you for the Very Inspired Blogger Award. To learn more about this award and the rules for participation, see http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-very-inspiring-blogger-award.html. Thanks for sharing meaningful posts with your readers.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Paradigm Shift

The majestic movement from fantasy to reality

motivationalhierarchy

Refusing to be a Victim

Affirmations of God

Finding the treasures of hope, promise and purpose in the Word of God. Calling each of us to live from who we were created to be.

candid faith

an honest perspective of following Christ and living life

vulture of critique

always pretentious, sententious, contentious, tendentious, and dissentious; sometimes conscientious; seldom abstentious; never licentious

Relationship Realities

rediscovering what is authentic & what works

Upward Social Media

Social Media Marketing

EmotionalBitch

My Bitchy Thoughts

Dalrock

Thoughts from a happily married father on a post feminist world.

Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Free Northerner

Iron Sharpens Iron

On the Rock

Verus Conditio

Haley's Halo

Giving the manosphere a friendly Christian sidehug since 2010

D A R L I N G

The musings and observations of a 30 year-old woman, fighting for her femininity in an overtly feminist society.

Grey Lagoons

Seven lugs good, two lugs... uh... also good.

JudgyBitch

The radical notion that women are adults

There Is No Game

It is not the game that changes, it is only yourself.

The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Deti Nation

A Collection of Noteworthy Comments by Deti

Adventures in Red Pill Wifery

A First Officer's Log

Boys and Young Men: Attention Must Be Paid

promoting achievement among boys and young men

Average Married Dad

Red Pill Dude Improving Self, Marriage, Finances and Parenting

%d bloggers like this: