Life of Liz

FutureFem and BetaBoy

In Authentic Life, Red Pill, Wisdom on January 29, 2013 at 7:15 am

This past weekend, we cared for my friend’s 5 year old daughter.  She was with us from Thursday night until Sunday night.  It was interesting to see my son interact with this little girl, nicknamed FutureFem.     

In our house, we try to establish rules of order based on simple fairness.  We do not artificially handicap our 6 year old daughter, thus providing a need for our 5 year old son to cater to her made up disability.  For example, if the two are rough housing and Boy accidentally hurts Girl – we let the situation play out before we jump in and rescue our Girl (and often we do not jump in at all).  What is funny is that she will usually try to be rescued before remembering we are not in the rescuing business.   Now if Girl accidentally hurts Boy – he will run to us to proclaim the great injustice that has resulted in a minor bodily injury.  Again, we refrain from intervening most of the time.

So you have a bird’s eye view into our family dynamics … enter our weekend houseguest whom I have nicknamed FutureFem.  A little background on her life … both parents work at time consuming jobs; in their home, mom is the leader and dad is somewhat invisible.  FutureFem is somewhat bossy and very opinioned.  But … she is 5, so I usually choose to see her as just another kindergarten cutie.  And then she stayed with us for 3 days.

Let me set the scene; the kids finish lunch and I suggest they go outside to jump on the trampoline … Boy leads the way, but FutureFem hangs back, taking her time.  Finally FutureFem notices Boy is about to take his turn jumping.  She takes off in a mad dash to climb on the trampoline ahead of him.  Now things get interesting!

“Let me go first” FuterFem said with extreme confidence in her statement.

“Why?  I got here first” replied my confused 5 year old son, Boy.

“Because I am a girl and girls always go first” she again, proclaimed with a little indignity and eluding confidence.

“No!  The first person to get here goes first” and once again, Boy makes an attempt to establish the rules of order in a logical fashion.

“I am telling your mom, GIRLS are always first because we are GIRLS and you have to let ME go first” at this point they both run towards me – although I have been eavesdropping the entire time.

When confronted, I explained to FutureFem how the rules of play work in our house.  She listened and then said “It is not good manners for Boy to go first”

I asked her what about it was rude and why she needed Boy to wait behind her.  This is her reply …

“Boys are stronger than girls and girls are princesses so they have to go first.  If Boy goes first I will feel bad cause then I won’t be the princess”

Me:  “well don’t you think BOY might feel bad if GIRL always gets to go first?”

“Well, I don’t care … the PRINCESS always goes first” a slightly off her game GIRL replied.

And there you have it, out of the mouth of 5 year old FutureFem – I don’t care … the PRINCESS always goes first.

Our 6 year old daughter is an alpha – she is a natural leader and super competitive.  Our son is easy going and logical.  We have remarked more than a few times that left unchecked, she would probably single handedly cause our son to enter his teens as a bona fide BETA.

Our parenting approach is to try and keep in mind this … more than anything we are preparing these kids to be future adults – and as such raising a FutureFem and a BetaBoy won’t set up either kid to be a successful adult.  Left to her own – our dear FutureFem would likely end up in a female dominated, power struggle marriage (that is assuming she even gets married) and miss out on the freedom her femininity brings and also the fulfillment found in being a submitted wife and mother.  And BetaBoy would likely be drawn to a woman similar to his sister and spend the rest of his life feeling guilty, shamed and humiliated for any innate MASCULINE thoughts or desires.  And that assumes he stays married – which is unlikely so more probably he will share ½ of his paycheck with his X for the majority of his working life.

Now Henry and I do not have all the answers, nor do we understand where this red pill parenting rabbit hole will lead us.  All we really know (from 20 years of firsthand experience) is both scenarios are dead ends and we want more for our dear kiddos!

  1. I love this Liz. I truly admire your approach. Esp in helping your son to stand his ground. I think that your future DIL will truly appreciate that!
    I do wonder how you feel about chivalry. I have a teenage son, who I am trying to teach a little chivalry too. Hoping that it will serve him well. I have asked my son to hold the door for me when we enter stores. You know, like Macy’s where they have those big heavy glass doors. H always holds the door for me, and it makes me feel special and cared for as his wife. I want my son to make the love of his life feel this same way. Not necessarily create a princess out of her though. lol
    He’s coming around, but sometimes forgets.
    If I am alone, I always hold the door for others. Sometimes I rush ahead to get the door for an elderly person or someone in a wheelchair or with a walker. I also hold the door for others who are right behind me. I have not problem doing that. But when I’m with H, I like that “he” holds the door for me.
    What are your thoughts here? Just curious. 🙂

    • Hi Elysia,

      I think I will struggle with teaching our son a good balance in his approach to chivalry, but Henry has already charted down this road.

      Henry holds doors open for me – and our little 5 year old son does too — but Henry follows a different code when he is at work or otherwise with non-feminine “I am your equal” type of women. In those environments he tends to do what makes the most logical sense. If he arrives at the elevator first, he will walk in – he won’t randomly stand and hold the door for all the princesses to enter. For a time, that bothered me (I am polite to a fault and open doors for anyone – you and I might be rushing to hold the door for each other!) but now I understand that he is a provider/protector to HIS woman – not a provider/protector to woman in general. IDK if that makes sense.

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