Life of Liz

It started last Friday night…

In Authentic Life, Out of the Comfort Zone, Shit Test on March 21, 2013 at 11:07 am

Shit test: A test that a girl performs on a male by saying or doing something to judge the reaction from him OR when a woman gives a guy a hard time, usually for the purpose of seeing how he will react.

Batshit crazy: Extreme to a degree bordering on complete insanity. The state in which one makes decisions which make the exact opposite of logic OR speech or behavior that is over the top, unhinged, self-destructive, or a threat to others.

I was in the midst of a particularly difficult series of interchanges with my 90 year old, never happy, always complaining Grandma and I called Henry to vent and to receive comfort.  It was around 4:30 and since I have an expectation (it’s important to recognize it is MY expectation) for him to leave the office around 5 on Friday we chatted and I vented and then we hung up and I assumed that he would be heading home shortly.

It wasn’t until close to 8:00 that he finally arrived home… Are you effing kidding me?  Here is the way things began to connect in my head:

math

I was completely distraught at 4:30 and I needed you + You know how important it is to me that you leave at a reasonable time on Friday’s = You must not care about me/us/our family AT ALL since you so easily made the decision to work late TONIGHT of all nights.

So the shit test began and then it spiraled out of control before my own eyes until I was legitimately Bat Shit Crazy.  I screamed and yelled and tried my hardest to pull apart what we’ve spent the better part of a year and a half building!

The funny thing about married life Shit Tests is how they can start off with a legitimate argument or complaint, but judging from how he reacts (this is very fluid, by the way) all the anger and hurt feelings inside seems to overflow and try to destroy everything within reach.  After a point, the Bat Shit Crazy takes over and finds a way to make him pay for me feeling not in control of a situation – Grandma and his work/life balance to start.   As hard as it is to write that sentence, that is exactly where things went.

Henry handled things well for the initial avalanche that I launched at him, but then he’d had enough…but the hamster kept spinning and used up the better part of the weekend.  It was only when he began to take away a part of himself; when he started to withdraw and actually extract himself from within my reach that I was knocked into my senses and was able to realize the damage I was doing.  I was using my own stress to shake the foundation we’ve been building over the last 18 months.  I recognized that I had two choices and neither one was going to be comfortable. I could continue down the road of destruction and put our marriage, our family and kids at risk OR I could just stop.

I chose to stop.  Being the coward that I am, I sent him a text that read “I was wrong.  This is my fault.  I am sorry”.  That was enough to at least get us civil again.  When a few hours later he told me to “go and prepare” I knew what he meant.

I went to our room; I changed into something appropriate and I used the remaining time to reflect on the past 48 hours.

UGLY:   morally offensive or objectionable

or unpleasant in any way or sense

That is the only word that comes to my mind.  When he finally came into our room I was curled in a ball, crying.  I don’t know how long we lay in our bed or how long I wept.  When it was over, we were healed.  There was no need for discipline.  The objective had been achieved and I was able to mourn the UGLY that I had produced.

Monday morning came with battle weary scars.  Yes, we are moving forward but I now know and understand that there is a limit to how much SHIT you can create during a SHIT test and how BAT SHIT CRAZY you can go … because once you’ve reached TOO MUCH SHIT – you end up in a really bad place.  I felt it important to write this post if for no other reason than to remind myself how much can change in the blink of an eye.

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  1. I don’t know whether to admire or feel pity for men who can take that kind of abuse from their wives.
    Most women claim to want respect from their men yet these types of extreme shit tests are the worse kind of disrespect for husbands…No wonder men die sooner…I had a wife who acted like that but in a covert way…It would stress me out…I would not pay attention to her and that turned her on. Still in tears she would reach out for sex…I was so turned off that I would refuse, of course that would turn her on even more (!?!?) I divorced her…who needs that kind of stress in life. Men are build for war but long for peace, women are build for peace but long for war…

  2. It’s amazing how fast we can all unravel. The whole 2+2=5 rings so true for me. I can stay on the hamster wheel far too long sometimes. I find that when I exercise, or do something positive for myself or others, I quickly put myself back into the right frame of mind. Thank you for sharing!

  3. I find myself falling back into my old ways occasionally too; I call it “being female” 🙂

    Seriously though having another person, a person that was (is) an authority figure in your life (I assume), changes the dynamic of the household so incredibly much. I imagine it could be very stressful.

  4. Excellent observations, Liz. Mrs. Ironwood had a round of sleep-deprivation/stress batshit crazy last night — perfectly understandable under the circumstances. Where once it would have led to a long, simmering fight, instead I just looked at her, shook my head, and put her in bed like a child. She’s usually very well-controlled, emotionally, but it’s all too easy to allow the other stresses in your life to manifest as an argument/shit test with your hubby because . . . he’s there. And when he’s not, you feel betrayed.

    Once you back it up and parse it out logically (not always easy to do when your emotions are going crazy) you can usually evaluate just what, exactly, is actually bothering you. In my experience such episodes often arise out of the impulse to share an insecurity . . . and then hold our spouse accountable for protecting it. And sometimes it just requires you to be a little more proactive. If you had sent him a text or called and reminded him how important it was — preferably by extending an invitation — then he likely would have had a much different response.

    But don’t put too much pressure on yourself, either. Yes, you’ve had 18 months of progress — you can expect some friction from time to time. The Red Pill is a process, a body of learnable techniques that have to be incorporated into your marriage gradually . . . and that’s not always an easy or automatic process. Cut yourself some slack. You aren’t going to ruin what you’ve built by having a hissy cow, not if your husband is on board. At most, it will serve to remind you just how different things are now, compared to a few years ago when this episode would have probably dominated your entire week. Chalk it up as a learning experience and move on. But excellent analysis — this is the kind of stuff the Red Pill world needs more of.

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