Life of Liz

Archive for the ‘1950’s wife of Today’ Category

Post 1/3…The Red Pill

In 1950's wife of Today, Authentic Life, In the Beginning, Out of the Comfort Zone, Red Pill on March 12, 2013 at 6:26 am

redpill

A year in review:

It’s been about a year or so that Henry and I had a choice to make – we could boldly swallow the newly discovered Red Pill that we had begun to uncover, though that would mean gaining the ability to see clearly the painful truth of our failing marriage.  Or we could maintain the status quo and stay in our blissful (painful!) ignorance of an illusion; one that we could never seem to get right and which was marching us farther and farther apart.   This Red Pill dilemma came about six months after trying our hand new dynamic.  The one was an easy segue into the other (red pill reality) so we forged ahead. 

Simply stated, out of the 20+ years of marriage, it’s been about 18 months that Henry has been actively leading our marriage.  Imagine that!  For about 1 ½ year I have not been in a contentious power struggle to be the HoH (though until recently I did not even know what that meant: Head of Household).

Initially it felt as though we were both play-acting – sort of a ‘fake it til you make it’ approach.  We spent a lot of time reading established blogs and trying to digest the information.   Looking back, I did several things that significantly contributed to establishing my new identity.

     pre-Red Pill 

  • Dress – comfy, non-threatening to other women.  Some examples include non-fitted sweats or lounge pants, sloppy-sweatpantsboxy t-shirts, Bermuda shorts, Peter pan collars, Uggs, Sperry’s, ballerina flats, flip flops etc.
  • Appearance – comfy with very little time or energy given to what image may be projected.  No make-up; hair is worn up in a messy bun or pony at least 60% of the timedyke
  • Hair – Typically shorter and for a stretch really short
  • Smell – None, unless going out for a special occasion or for a girl’s night.
  • Attitude – selfish and demanding.  An acceptance that my ways are preferable and his ways are flawed.  Inflexible.  Demeaning and humiliating when I didn’t get my way. A dependence on him to create happiness for me/us.
  • Countenance – hostile and distant.  Also, inhospitable.

post Red Pill

girly

  • Dress – feminine and representative of outfits that Henry has previously complimented me on.  Items that make him look good while also making me feel like his wife.  Examples include fitted jeans, moderately sexy dresses, v-neck T’s, mid or high heeled shoes or boots.  Also included are summer sandals and other kitten heeled shoes that are girly.
  • Appearance – pulled together, which includes at least a minimal application of make-up (powder, eye liner and mascara), hair worn down and styled on 90% of occasions.
  • Hair – long, healthy and maintained.
  • Scent – a daily spritz of a scent that Henry likes.  A refresher just before he arrives home in the evening.
  • Attitude – appreciative, respectful and deferring (as applicable).  Consideration given to his opinions, desires and needs.   Flexible.  A realization that the world does not revolve around my wants and an acceptance that I am accountable for my own happiness.
  • Countenance – pleasant and easy going.  Also, agreeable.happy

At first glance the above lists may come across as superficial – but looking closer I can see very distinctly that “pre-Red-Pill Liz” put an emphasis on personal comfort and my own individual wants whereas “post Red-Pill Liz” has gained an appreciation for what Henry finds attractive and how his wants can be appreciated and respected.

I also started asking Henry’s permission to do things that I would NOT need his permission to do. This is a way of giving him power over my daily decisions and reminding me that his wishes should be considered.  That may sound extreme, but it was and is necessary to keep me in the correct frame of mind and it is a way to establish and remind myself to keep him in charge.kiss

Asking permission is a very difficult thing for me to do, especially in front of our very perceptive daughters.  Probably the only reason I am able to force myself to ask his permission is because the payoff is so apparent.  For both of us!

One of our early rules was for me to meet him at the door and give him a welcome home kiss; sounds easy, but it was hard to do with those seven sets of eyes watching my every move.  It also shows how distant we had grown that getting up and kissing my husband was a hard thing for me to do!

Preparing dinner and having it ready for him; noticing his glass is empty and refilling; noticing his shaving supplies are running low and replacing them.  These things are daily reminders that help me keep Henry in the forefront of my thinking.

Some days it would be easier to be comfy.  Sometimes I just don’t want to be reasonable or consider his needs/wants/desires.  It’s a process and not something that comes easily for me.  Truthfully, I often fail, although thankfully some things are becoming a habit and fitting themselves into my normal routines.  Hmm, after a year of making a conscience effort to be “post Red-Pill Liz” and after spending many hours devouring blogs and trying to glean any insights I can garner AND after seeing so many positive results in my marriage I can only say, these are things that have helped me, and … It’s a daily battle decision to make the effort to be “post Red-Pill Liz”!  …  

up next is Post 2/3… “put THAT in THERE?  Wait… what?”

And finally, Post 3/3 “Make no mistake, this is Henry’s House”

Have Men been SUBMISSIVE to Women?

In 1950's wife of Today, Authentic Life, In the Beginning, Red Pill on December 2, 2012 at 9:36 am

I have a lot of rambling thoughts; please bear with me as I try to write a cohesive post.  I am going to use Henry as my reference point, but to a large degree ‘Henry’ could be replaced with the name of any man – or ‘Men in general’.  Likewise, when I reference myself – you can easily replace your name – or “Women in general”. This post was easier for me to write in the 3rd person.

Henry is reasonable.  He is not quick to react and does not act in haste.  He is not prone to display his emotions during a heated debate.  Adjectives used to describe him are logical, practical and level headed.

Liz is volatile.  She likes to get things done quickly and has often jumped in before examining all the mitigating factors.  She is emotional.  Adjectives used to describe her are impulsive, unpredictable and unstable. 

Every time ‘Henry’ is referenced think of the above and do likewise for ‘Liz’ references.

For the first 19 years of their marriage, Liz was the de facto leader of their union.  Liz won her position by exploiting Henry; by using the essence of his Manhood against him.  Translation …  She flipped his strengths and turned them into weaknesses.  Take Henry’s nature to not act hastily.  Liz was able to convince Henry his thoughtful nature was a fault.  She used convincing arguments to support her POV, the loudest being “you’re not leading us the way I think it should be done” translation “you’re not a man”.  She countered Henry’s logical and level headedness with unpredictable and emotion laden outburst.  Henry resented Liz and over the course of 19 years many power struggles ensued.  Being an alpha male by nature – Henry won a majority of the battles.  And then Liz played her trump card.   She countered with unrelenting determination every effort by Henry to live in a logical, practical environment which in turned forced him, in an effort to save himself, to seemingly SUBMIT to her de facto leadership.

Synonyms for the word Submit:   abide, accede, acknowledge, acquiesce, agree, appease, concede, defer, give in, give way, go with the flow, grin and bear it, humor, indulge, kowtow, lay down arms, obey, put up with, quit, relent, relinquish, resign oneself, stoop, succumb, surrender, throw in the towel, toe the line, tolerate, truckle, withstand, yield

Still, Liz was not satisfied.  She wasn’t leading Henry; he had simply removed himself (not physically, but definitely emotionally) from her 19 year reign of terror.

And then it happened.  Either through Divine intervention or basic human survival Liz was able to catch a glimpse of what she had spent 19 years creating.   She saw a contentious marriage to a withdrawn and resentful man.  She saw her 6 daughters grow up as good students (or maybe she was a very resourceful teacher?) already mimicking her Total Domination Relationship Management techniques in their relationships.  Liz knew she was unfulfilled as a wife and mother.

I wish I could write that things immediately ‘fixed’ themselves.  They did not because it takes more than a realization to bring about permanent change.  Permanent change requires time and patience.  Please re-read the words used to describe Henry, which is pretty incriminating for Liz.

Definition of Submission: the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another.  Humility, compliance.

I am ending with the definition of Submission because without Liz accepting her role within the marriage it is impossible for Henry to be the leader he is called to be.  This is not to imply his leadership is dependent upon her submission, but rather a belief that a logical person will naturally shy away from an unpredictable situation.

Men have the innate qualities to lead women if we believe men are logical, practical and level headed.  Today, Liz is able to see Henry for who is has been all along.   And that is where we end out story for today.

Stepford Wife … 1950’s

In 1950's wife of Today, Goals on November 7, 2012 at 9:40 am

I have the need to ramble  today, please bear with me … This post runs the gamut of 1950’s housewife, to spending limits to what the heck another reminder spanking and finally … recipes needed!?!

Vesta had a great post the other day (Internal Thoughts) where she wrote about not having a lot in common with other ladies who were chatting at the health club.  After reading her post, I started to envision what it would have been like to be a housewife in the 1950’s.  I wonder if I would have felt more accepted and settled if the idea that a woman should live for her husband and family was the dominate image of our time.  I mean, what if the 1950’s notion that women found fulfillment in domesticity was prevalent today?  If you do a quick Google search for “1950’s housewife” you are bombarded with television, radio, and magazines advertisements that assure women that the kitchen was their realm and that loving food preparation for their families was the way to fulfillment.  Were these women simply paid actresses or did many 1950’s mothers and wives actually did find fulfillment as housewives?  I found this unidentified quote …

“There were many unpleasant aspects of my life as a housewife, but I didn’t question my position. It was what women did. At least, so I thought. I did not have a brilliant husband, but he ruled our house nonetheless. That is what men did. He proclaimed it was my “duty” to respect and obey him. I had no say in money matters and was actually given an “allowance” for food, clothing, cleaning supplies, etc. It was woefully inadequate, but I had to try and make do.”

She added, when asked further about money matters

“No, I don’t recall being ‘in debt’ or even having a credit card.  My husband gave me an amount to spend and I did not go over that amount.”

Some of this is on my mind because Henry has been working to get our spending under control.  He had been up until this point hesitant to put any true hard and fast financial restrictions on my spending – oh they still existed, but not in a clear and concise way.  And to some degree I’ve taken advantage of his lack of structure over my spending.  So we are finally at the place where HE is comfortable taking responsibility for OUR household and that includes MY spending.  Today he presented an amount and asked if it is reasonable to keep our grocery spending at or under that amount.  My reply … “hmm, I honestly don’t know” because I haven’t really paid attention.  So we (HE?) decided to track a few weeks of typical spending to see what the correct amount is.  I wanted accountability, right?

Actually, “yes, I do” – because the security of knowing Henry is actively running our household is very comforting.  It was not too long ago that he barely paid attention to the running of our household because he knew I would over ride/bicker/challenge even the simplest suggestion.  Oh how far we’ve come!

When I roll together my satisfaction with being a stay-at-home mom, and who incidentally also enjoys cleaning and cooking, with being given what amounts to an allowance from my husband I had to chuckle at the possibility of being labeled a ‘Stepford Wife’ from the women at the club that Vesta mentions!  Because as TV and magazines tell us 100 times a day, if a woman decides to stay at home or if she confers with her husband about going out for the day, she is suddenly a Stepford wife who is surely chained to the house and under her husband’s complete and utter control.

So today a discussion about the implementation of a spending allowance and then a “just because I think this will help keep our crazy week straight” session.

And all of the above orchestrated and carried out by my dear HoH.  Kinda reminds me of that phrase “there’s a new Sherriff in town” … so in closing, if anyone has a few good recipes to feed a hungry brood on the cheap, please pass them along … to start it off, this recipe is pretty close to the go-to recipe my family loves, Rigatoni with Chicken and Spinach …! Off to vote ~Liz

Paradigm Shift

The majestic movement from fantasy to reality

motivationalhierarchy

Refusing to be a Victim

Affirmations of God

Finding the treasures of hope, promise and purpose in the Word of God. Calling each of us to live from who we were created to be.

candid faith

an honest perspective of following Christ and living life

vulture of critique

always pretentious, sententious, contentious, tendentious, and dissentious; sometimes conscientious; seldom abstentious; never licentious

Relationship Realities

rediscovering what is authentic & what works

Upward Social Media

Social Media Marketing

EmotionalBitch

My Bitchy Thoughts

Dalrock

Thoughts from a happily married father on a post feminist world.

Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Free Northerner

Iron Sharpens Iron

On the Rock

Verus Conditio

Haley's Halo

Giving the manosphere a friendly Christian sidehug since 2010

TempestTcup

a fluffy little blog about love, food, booze & gross stuff like blood & bacteria

D A R L I N G

The musings and observations of a 30 year-old woman, fighting for her femininity in an overtly feminist society.

Grey Lagoons

Seven lugs good, two lugs... uh... also good.

JudgyBitch

The radical notion that women are adults

There Is No Game

It is not the game that changes, it is only yourself.

The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Deti Nation

A Collection of Noteworthy Comments by Deti

Adventures in Red Pill Wifery

A First Officer's Log

Boys and Young Men: Attention Must Be Paid

promoting achievement among boys and young men

%d bloggers like this: