Life of Liz

Archive for the ‘Rationalization Hamster’ Category

Be careful what you wish for

In Authentic Life, Bat Shit Crazy, Out of the Comfort Zone, Rationalization Hamster, Red Pill, Shit Test on April 10, 2013 at 7:09 pm

This isn’t going to be a nice post; it’s not going to be a rational post or even a post that will make me fondly remember THIS chapter of my life.

Jumping back a few months, it had been a year or so that Henry and I had been evolving within our marriage and shifting towards a Henry led dynamic.  We were progressing at break neck speeds at first; and then a little slower as the newness began to wear off.  And since I have a hard time embracing the popular phrase “it’s a journey, not a race” I was just about at the point of starting to become frustrated with Henry’s slow (as in, slower than what I desired) progress in regaining the Alpha traits that I so desired.  It was round about this time that I read Ian Ironwoods post explaining what wives could do to ‘up the alpha’ within their marriage while also letting the husband grow in his leadership.  So I Read it … Got it … Acted on it … And once again we were soaring through the great unknown; Henry comfortably leading the charge and Liz cheerfully following his lead.

But then IT happened.  IT knocked the air right out of my lungs (lungs that have increased capacity thanks to the years I’ve spent running on the wheel) and set ME back a few giant steps.hamster

My new reality began last Friday night, which was in large part because our 17 year old daughter went completely Bat Shit Crazy in a way that only a 17 year old girl is capable of.  To say it was an incredibly stressful night is an understatement.  We experienced much yelling, crying and storming out, only to have her return and repeat until she finally left, and stayed gone until Saturday night.  But Saturday night was productive and after a marathon round of conversations we hugged and pressed forward (was there any other choice?).

By Sunday morning I felt as though I’d been run over by a train, so I did what any good Mom would do … I got everyone in the house up and rallied to attend the early church service.  And then it began to unravel on me … a little comment here, an eye roll there … until about half way through the day when I went all in and tried to pick a fight with Henry.  Why?  I don’t know why – just because!!  Maybe it was a diversion from the past 48 hours or maybe because I could yell at him in a way I couldn’t yell at our daughter the day before.  So, I am ‘all in’ and he is … yep, just not biting!  I couldn’t believe it.

Now mind you, there was a distant possibility that I could have called out my inner BSCC (Bat Shit Crazy Chick) and really taken this thing to a new low.  But before that could happen, you won’t believe what he actually had the nerve to ask me.  He actually said “You done” – from a post I had passed onto him a while back.  He used it on me!!  And he followed it up with a smug half grin/chuckle.  And then he WALKED away and started horsing around with our son.  Are you kidding me?  What is going on here?

Was I pissed?  Oh ya.  But truthfully I didn’t have a clue what my next move would be … because do you have any idea how hard it is to work yourself into BSCC mode only to have your intended audience not only refuse to succumb to your shit test, but also to reflect back to you just how ridiculous you are behaving?

What happened?  How did the rest of the evening unfold and where are things today?  Some probably already know, others will have an Aha Moment and some who haven’t yet taken their own dose of the Red Pill will be confused.  So what happened?  Well later Sunday night we had mind-bending, yes … mind-bending sex.  And although I will deny it until the day I die … I think I had to initiate –!  sex-and-the-sleepy-1

Houston – we have a problem … Liz is losing it and Henry is getting it and everyone is “O”ver taken with pleasure.

Being the quick learner that I am tells me I won’t be letting myself digress into BSCC mode anytime soon because even though the sex was great, I will tell you honestly that I did not enjoy the rest of the experience at all; in fact, I was equally horrified by my willingness to jump right back into full fledged Old School Liz and the ease by which I can still summon BSCC at a moments notice.  I can think of many excuses (rationalizations?) that ultimately led to my unraveling – too much time apart, Grandma, teens home from college, and then the incident Friday night – but truthfully, I really just made the choice to embrace a habit that I had employed for 20+ years and did so probably without even a conscience thought.  I had stress so I tried to create some stress to relieve my own stress.  That about sums it up.

I keep hearing that phrase … it’s a journey, not a race.  Well thank goodness because I almost lost the entire contest.

Red Pill wisdom from a 5 year old … and 6 year old hypergamy?

In Authentic Life, Rationalization Hamster, Red Pill, Submission ... Oh My! on March 2, 2013 at 2:02 pm

Henry and I had our weekly “just us” dinner last night.  It was followed by our first maintenance session in about two weeks.

In my head I did not want to surrender; I didn’t resist, but I was just prepared to ‘go with the flow’.  But as it has happened many times prior, once started it seems that two things occur simultaneously … my boundaries are erased and Henry is once again firmly established as the leader.  Others have referenced how much meaningful conversation can be had in that ‘most compromising position’ and I would have to agree that I was able to relax enough to cry and express just how stressful the last weeks have been.  It was very liberating and will likely help us have a much better weekend.

Yes, I’ve had a lot of raw emotions that last few weeks.  Suffice to say, it is really hard having Grandma in our household.  It is causing me a lot of internal stress and the overflow is causing a lot of rough waters in our marriage.  I haven’t finished the ‘real’ post I am working on, but a few funny things have been said lately that warrant being passed along … they show that the Red Pill is still alive and kicking in our household!

  1.  On one particularly stressful rush out the door to school – I was in rare form when my youngest, (the only boy) said “No drama Mommy – men don’t like drama, remember?” … out of the mouths of babe’s!
  2. After our son’s first T-ball practice, a discussion followed about the batting technique preferred by the coach which differed from what had been presented by Daddy – to which my son said “I told the coach I am going to follow my Dad’s way b/c my dad’s played a lot of baseball and I trust him” …Upon hearing this, our 6 year old daughter replied …“Daddy played a lot of baseball, what like in college or just in high school?”  Hypergamy anyone?
  3. Our Freshman in college daughter likes a boy – the boy has a girlfriend back home, but she has that covered “I can tell he really likes me because I just feel a real connection between us and as soon as he figures it out he’ll dump her and be able to date me” … try as I may I can’t make her see that Dang Hamster at work!hamster
  4. It had been a particularly bad week as I was constantly spinning on my own hamster wheel (of course this was justified by the immense stress I am under, lol) – when I read this post Two Words Women Need To Hear… well Henry must have been reading it at just about the same time because no sooner had I finished my latest attempt to spin out of control when he simple replied “you done?” … Ugh!  I hate it when that type of logic is used against me!

Rationalization Hamster, part 1

In Authentic Life, Out of the Comfort Zone, Rationalization Hamster, Wisdom on January 9, 2013 at 6:09 am

I’ve learned so much about myself and women in general from reading blogs written by men!  One thing some of my favorite manosphere bloggers do very well is give context to behaviors – which in turns makes it very tangible to see and understand.  A great example?  The term Rationalization Hamster.

The Private Man wrote a great post where he describes the “Rationalization Hamster” in detail.  It is basically an “analogy for the thought processes used by women to turn bad behavior and bad decisions into acceptable ones to herself and her friends” … hmm, I’ve never done that, have I?  hamster

As the mother of 2 college aged daughters, who until recently were fed popular feminist beliefs by yours truly, I was more than a little curious about how my daughters might utilize their rationalization hamsters to justify bad behavior.  Below is a summary of a conversation I had with our oldest while she was home from break.

Basically Elizabeth relayed to me a ‘situation’ that had unfolded on New Year’s Eve for one of her sorority sisters, mind you our daughter was at home (with us) on New Year’s Eve).  We’ll call this sorority sister BD (for ‘historically makes Bad Decisions regarding her own behavior with boys).  It seems BD had downed 4-5 shots of tequila within the hour (I am told this is not uncommon behavior among girls – so they don’t drink a lot in front of the boys and b/c the boys have ‘handles’ that taste bad!) and then proceeded to go with her friends to a Frat House party.  At some point, a boy strongly suggested he and BD hook-up; BD did not necessarily want to hookup and she wasn’t giving the ‘go ahead’ signal. But boy didn’t pay attention and ‘yada yada yada’ it went further than BD wanted.

Now as a mom of daughters (2 in k-8, 2 in high school, 2 in college) I will always hold the line that “no means no”.  Some would say this is my Rationalization Hamster at work, but for me – coming from a place of very limited sexual experience before marriage – if I said ‘no’ (or in any way indicated NO) I would have fully expected cooperation and for the boy to stop pressuring me into whatever.

But as I expressed my outrage to my daughter about her friends plight, my daughter, without emotion simply said …

“Mom, whether she was giving the go ahead signal or not, the mere fact that she downed 4-5 shots and then went to a Frat party is her willing participation in the hookup that followed”

and she continued

“There was a 75% chance she’d be hooking up – she knew it and the boys that attended the Frat party knew it – if she feels bad or violated now it is only because she is shrieking responsibility for her own actions”

Wow.  I did not expect that from my daughter.  Now mind you, she was very sensitive to BD  and truly wishes the events of the evening didn’t transpire – she just didn’t buy the spin that BD’s hamster was selling.

A few more thoughts as a mom – both of our daughters attend college about 6 hours away from home (in different directions!).  I am aware that whatever social media or random pictures I might see could be completely censored for my eyes – so instead I depend on the depth of our established relationships and frequent interactions to get a feel for what decisions my daughters are making when away from home.  Our Elizabeth is a very attractive, socially connected young woman – who is very comfortable with herself and with boys.  I was more than a little impressed at her willingness to hold BD (and herself (?)) personally responsible for how a situation can unfold.

I have another post that I am working on, Rationalization Hamster, part 2 where I am going to discuss how this same daughter is comfortable using what Feminist thought they were fighting for in a completely unintended way.  Stay tuned!

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