Life of Liz

Archive for the ‘Shrew-ness’ Category

Submission without publicity

In Out of the Comfort Zone, Shrew-ness on November 2, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Two well read bloggers recently posted about having family members find out about their dynamic lifestyle.

I see this as a touchy subject with a lot of women in a submissive role.  Surely I can’t be the only one who is adjusting to second guessing my new role and expected responses as an obedient wife and sometimes comparing them against my crazy controlling self of yesteryear!  Any attention called to a submissive behavior that I am still coming to terms with is bound to make me uncomfortable when noticed by someone else.

In our family, as you may recall – we have 7 kids including 2 in college and 1 in high-school.  In the very beginning, my ‘newly submissive’ behavior b/c respecting Henry was very different called attention to itself with our older daughters.  A few times it was actually funny to hear the 16 year old (Maggie) stick up for her poor, oppressed mom, lol … love that girl!

It’s been the occasions when Henry asserted his HoHness ever so slightly in a way that I knew my older daughters would be clued into that made me uncomfortable.  They are noticing that I am allowing myself to be directed (very subtly) by H.  They notice that I defer to H before making the final decision to a request of theirs.  Don’t get me wrong; I am glad our daughters are seeing a better role model of a husband/wife relationship and that they might one day create a similar dynamic of a husband lead marriage when their time comes for them.  For me it boils down to an adjustment of my pride to be submissive in ways that contrast my former self.  I have never been afraid they would find out about what goes on behind closed doors in our relationship – Henry is very private and would never let that happen 🙂

I don’t know how I would react in I was in the situation(s) described by the above bloggers; I think I would feel betrayed a little~ maybe a little humiliated?  Is it too big of a jump to say the trust that I’ve given over and placed in Henry includes my little, sometimes overly sensitive girlie emotions – and realizing that men and women truly are DIFFERENT – this may be an area that some HoH’s may never truly ‘get’ but in an effort to respect the trust bestowed upon them, they choose to make an effort to respect.  ~Liz

Not ready for round 6

In Shrew-ness on October 21, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Round 1 – “why do you have a zero in math?” … 25 minutes

Round 2 – “can I have a play-date today?” … 15 minutes

Round 3 – “I am soooo hungry and we never have ANYTHING to eat in this house!” …10 minutes

Round 4 – “He took my toy so I punched him and now he is crying and I said I was sorry and he is still telling on me” … 10 minutes

Round 5 – “MOM, did you see what the dog did?” … TBD!

My various stresses are spilling over into other areas of my life.  I am trying so hard to stay outside of the isolation bubble and Henry is showing a lot of patience because he knows I am trying.  It just seems like two things are happening lately and I would love to know if others had similar experiences.  First, where as before I ‘didn’t know any better’, now I DO.  I know I want to be respectful and accountable to Henry.  I desire to be lead. BUT I keep doing things that are contrary to that goal.  That makes me feel like a failure a lot.  Thankfully H is patient or else we would be locked up in our bedroom the majority of each day!    But WHY do I fight to stay disconnected from Henry, which is often expressed as being disrespectful? Was my life better before I knew what a shrew I can be?  And then sometimes I even get irritated because Henry isn’t hauling me off 24/7 – which I am thinking could very well involve a lot of kicking and screaming (biting, hair pulling … you get the point.. lol).   The second thing that keeps happening is that I read all of your blogs and I get so inspired and then 2 minutes later when I am stressed out with a kid or grandma or fill in the blank thing I do it again … He is locked out on the outside looking in at me as I implode!   Every time my stress rises it seems to mean my shrew-ness feels empowered to rear her ugly head.

Henry was very tender (emotionally, not so much physically) and I felt 100% submitted to his authority … And then in the blink of an eye the shrew-ness reappears.  What is going on?  I guess it’s good that I am at least aware of what I am doing; but it’s often not until after the eye roll or borderline comment has left my mouth.  I have to know … will this get better or do I just SUCK at being a submissive, respectful, deferring wife? ~Liz

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